


Casualties of War

by YukiCoco2005



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-14 01:52:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11197989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YukiCoco2005/pseuds/YukiCoco2005
Summary: Matt Holt is reunited with his father after the incident at the arena. Tragically, this reunion is short-lived after Sam Holt loses his life, having been killed by a Galra soldier during an altercation. Emotionally devastated, Matt calls out for Shiro’s guidance and in a way, he receives it.





	1. Chapter 1

The overwhelming sense of helplessness did not fade even as the astonished gasps from the other prisoners signaled that something unique had happened, although it was still quite difficult to determine the outcome by sound alone.

The prisoner who had been comforting Matt, whispered that Shiro had apparently done the impossible, he had beaten the creature. Even the Galra soldiers seemed surprised as they began to corral the prisoners, leading them back towards their cells. 

Matt found himself struggling to keep up with the other prisoners, the pain in his leg causing him to lag behind.

The Galra soldiers remained unsympathetic to Matt’s suffering, prodding his back with a staff giving the man incentive to speed up. 

Once Matt had entered the prisoner's cell he slumped against a wall and sank down onto the floor.

He gasped breathlessly for a moment, as the pain in his leg grew to be nearly unbearable. His breath remained unsteady as he finally built up the courage to examine the wound his friend had given him.

A choked sob escaped Matt’s lips, his hands examining the wet blood-soaked fabric, torn just below his knee. He reluctantly decided to glanced down to examine the wound and found himself immediately regretting his decision as he was met with a rather dreadful sight. His skin split deep from the blade Shiro had grabbed, causing a deep jagged wound that stretched over the front of his leg, allowing blood to flow freely.

The other prisoners must have noticed Matt’s distress, because they steadily began to crowd the injured man, mumbling quietly about what they should do to help him.

Finally a tall alien with light-purple skin stepped forward and into action, he ripped the torn fabric off of Matt’s leg ignoring the panicked look the injured man gave him. The alien then took these ripped pieces of fabric and tied them tightly around the open wound, causing Matt to hiss in pain, but clearly slowing the bleeding.

He put a hand on Matt’s shoulder “Its going to be okay” he said in a comforting tone. Matt could only groan in reply, the effects of his blood loss weighing heavy on his mind. His vision began to blur, as he felt himself drifting out of consciousness, he called out for Shiro desperately before his world went dark.

 

When Matt came to, he found that he had been moved to an empty room. The pain in his leg had dulled, and when he glanced down he noticed that his wound had been treated and properly dressed, his prison uniform had also been replaced with a new, clean one.

It became clear that this was not the work of the other prisoners but of rather the Galra soldiers, which Matt found odd. Perhaps they didn’t want to lose their free entertainment. Matt huffed angrily at the thought of that being the only reason he was alive.

Maybe they saw Matt as useful, although the man found that hard to believe. Ever since the Kerberos crew capture he had done absolutely nothing to aid in their situation.

In fact, he probably made matters worst, he remembered the first few nights, his anxiety was high and he felt panicked. He became extremely upset at times, to the point that Shiro usually had to calm him down. 

He felt like a burden.

Even after the events at the arena played out, Matt still felt weak and helpless, maybe even moreso now than ever. He knew that Shiro would not have had to injure him if he had just been a little braver. 

And now here he was, feeling sorry for himself as he lay on the cold floor, alone.

Time seemed to stretch on endlessly, causing the silence to feel agonizing. The young scientist attempted to sleep, but his mind raced, preventing him from the peace that rest would allow.

Instead, he reminisced on the past.

He remembered the day that the Kerberos mission had been announced, along with who would be going on said mission. Matt could even remember how his heart skipped a beat when he found out that the pilot he had fallen for would be joining him and his father on the mission.

Everything felt perfect, the scientist in him was so eager to learn more about the universe, while the romantic part of him was simply happy to get to work one on one with Takashi Shirogane.

They should have never left Earth.

Matt’s thoughts drifted to memories of his sister and mother. Did they even know what happened?

Although it was difficult to tell time on the Galra ship, Matt knew that at least a few weeks had past since their capture, maybe even a month or two. The Kerberos mission was not a short one, but they were required to make a call into the command center everyday. 

What happened when their call didn’t come? Did the anybody actually know what happened to them? Was anyone coming to save them? Or did the command center just shrug off the incident as an “error” on behalf of the crew? 

Matt didn’t have long to dwell on these questions, the sound of footsteps nearing alerted the man. He sat up, watching as two Galra soldiers walked towards his cell, they disarmed the electrical shield that worked as a door, before entering the room and grasping Matt roughly by the arm, pulling him to his feet.

Matt stumbled, the pain in his leg returning the moment he was pulled onto his feet, he limped slightly as he followed after the two Galra soldiers, his hands were secured by strange cuffs that were made of energy. They would have been fascinating to him if they weren’t being used to keep him “under control”.

Soon, the three paused at another much larger cell. It was similar to the one he had called home ever since the abduction. There were many other prisoners in this cell, and Matt noticed that they looked less well-kept than the other aliens he had interacted with. 

Their uniforms were covered in dirt and dust, while their body had a darker tone to them showing signs of being exposed to the elements. Matt could only assume that they were workers, sent off to farm, mine, or perform any other task that the Galra deemed they were worthy of.

“Be ready to work” the soldier’s harsh voice pulled Matt away from his thoughts and he shoved the man into the cell before resealing it, as soon as the energy barrier blocked the cell, Matt’s cuffs disappeared.

With a sense of overwhelmness, Matt staggered back, noticing the wary looks from his fellow prisoners. He quickly glanced downward, avoiding eye contact as he moved into an empty corner of the room. He sank down onto the floor, pulling his knees close to his chest and wrapping his arms around his legs, making himself smaller, less noticeable.

The all-too-familiar sense of hopelessness returned, but it did not remain for long as a recognizable voice drew Matt out of the overwhelming darkness that surrounded him.

“Son?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thanks for reading!
> 
> I decided to split this fic. up into three chapters, although I had originally planned on it being a one shot. That being said, I am finished with the entire fic. I simply need to revise it, the other two chapters should be out by the end of the week.
> 
> Also! as I'm sure you have already guessed, this is going to be a depressing fic. This chapter is actually rather light compared to what's to come so be warned, but other than that thanks again! Comments are appreciated and if you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask.


	2. Chapter 2

Matt glanced up in disbelief, the man standing before him bearing the same expression. 

“D-Dad” a broken whisper escaped Matt’s lips. 

Samuel Holt’s appearance had not changed much during their imprisonment, his hair had grown a little longer, along with facial hair he now had as well, but he still held that unbreakable glimmer of hope in his eyes.

Sam knelt down, wrapping his arms firmly around Matt, holding the younger man close. “I thought I had lost you” he whispered before pulling away from the embrace, his eyes scanned over Matt noticing the bandage on his son’s leg.

“What did they do to you?” the older man had a look of remorse.

A frown appeared on Matt’s face, as he avoided his father’s gaze. He couldn’t stand to see his father look so helpless, but he worried over telling the older man the truth. 

What would he think? Knowing that Shiro had actually hurt Matt?

It had to be done, Shiro did save Matt’s life by making his sacrifice. Sam would understand, but it would still hurt. 

There would always be a sense of doubt between Sam and Shiro if he learned the truth and although wishful thinking usually turned out to be pointless in the situation they were in, Matt still had the hope that once this entire ordeal had ended he would finally confess to Shiro, about how he felt.

So, he decided to lie. Something he hated doing, especially to the person he trusted most. 

“I-It was an accident” Matt stammered out, his eyes glancing down at the bandage, focusing on the light patches of red that were beginning to bleed through. 

Sam raised an eyebrow at his son, not seeming convinced but also deciding to not push the subject any farther. 

“Okay” the older man sighed, patting Matt’s shoulder gently “You look hungry, I’ll go get us something to eat and we can swap war stories” he winked at Matt, his joke lighten the mood and even resulting in a light chuckle from the younger man. 

“‘Kay” he smiled up at his father.

Sam then left only to return shortly with two bowls which contained a strange soup-like substance. 

With a frown, Matt gave the soup a weary look, he was still trying to adapt to the strange food that was given out on seldom occasions. At first, he had refused to eat, finding the taste of the unfamiliar food revolting. However, he soon learned that food was a luxury in this prison. The prisoners were lucky to get one meal a day. So no matter how bizarre the soup tasted or how the slimy texture turned his stomach, Matt forced himself to drink down the odd liquid.

“I can’t wait to get back home and have another one of your mother’s home cooked meals” Sam sighed, seeming lost for a moment as he reminisced. “You know I think I would even be grateful for some of those dried peas right now”

“Of course you would, you love those peas” Matt said, laughing softly for a moment before taking a deep breath. “I miss mom…” he mumbled softly “and Katie…”

“We’ll see them again soon, son” his father’s words were so full of hope, Matt wondered silently how he could hold on to that much faith.

Their conversation then fell towards the subject of what had happened to them after they were forced to part ways.

Matt told his father about the battle and about Shiro’s sacrifice, of course he left out the part about Shiro injuring him.

Sam explained that he was placed with the other farmers immediately, it seemed to be where the weak or elderly were sent, to which Sam huffed in annoyance announcing that he was neither of those things.

He had attempted small escapes, never getting very far and always succeeding in angering the Galra. They typically would send Sam to a type of solitary, leaving him without food or social contact for what felt like days. 

Then they would let him out and he would try to escape again. He told Matt that on seldom occasions, he would encounter a particularly angry Galra soldier and receive a few good punches, but he seemed proud of his accomplishments, telling Matt that he knew which soldiers were more lenient and which ones were plain evil. 

Matt just felt worried, although his father acted strong, he couldn’t survive everything and one day he would anger the wrong soldier.

“Now that you are here” Sam continued in an excited whisper, seemingly oblivious to the worried expression on Matt’s face “We can plan the perfect escape!” 

With a frown, Matt looked up at his father’s hopeful eyes “I don’t know dad, maybe we should just lie low for now” he said, feeling a pang of guilt as Sam adopted a hurt expression “I-I’m not saying that we shouldn't try” Matt added quickly, “But, we should be careful… besides… we can’t leave without Shiro…”

Sam’s expression slowly soften, before giving Matt a nod “You are right, I know that we can’t just escape in one day. Trust me, I’ve tried, but I feel hopeful again Matt” he rested his hand on his son’s shoulder “I didn’t think that I would be able to find you, and yet here you are. Anything is possible. We just have to keep fighting. We are survivors Matt. Never forget that” 

Matt felt his heart grow warm, in a way Samuel Holt’s overwhelming sense of hope was contagious, for Matt’s sense of hopelessness slowly faded away.

He began to believe that they would escape. He was going to see his family again, because really anything was possible.

 

Drifting into a routine was quite simple for Matt. His day would start early, as the Galra would come by and collect the prisoners for work.

Luckily Matt was placed out in the fields, working alongside his father. He had learned that they were staying on some desert-like planet, which seemed odd for growing crops, however the intense heat was apparently the perfect climate for whatever they were farming.

They would typically work for a few hours, the two suns on the planet remaining bright and ruthless though the entirety of their work.   
Then once the suns did finally set beyond the horizon, they were lead back to their cells. 

It became a cycle, work, rest, repeat.

Of course, every so often there would be harsh interruptions to the routine. Sam had warned Matt that the soldiers put in charge of them were anything but kind. For the most part the Galra wouldn’t bother someone as long as they were working, however there were a few soldiers that either grew bored or simply enjoyed tormenting others. They liked to prey on the weak, even Matt found himself falling victim to their abuse from time to time.

However, Sam wasn’t the type of person to just stand by and allow the mistreatment of others, especially not when his son became of victim of said mistreatment. He would immediately step in, which typically resulting in a beating for the both of them.

After this occurred a couple of times, the soldiers decided to split Matt and his father up. Thankfully, Matt was still able to work in the same fields, he was just forced to work on one side of the crop, while his father worked on the other.

After being moved away from Sam, Matt made sure to keep his head down, not wanting to draw any unnecessary attention, for fear of being resigned to the mines, far away from his father.

Sam however stood stronger and more determined than ever. He defended his fellow prisoners, that would typically earned him many cuts and bruises, which Matt would treat after they regroup in their cell, all the while scolding his father, telling the older man to be more careful.

“We will escape” Matt told his father after a particularly hard day out in the fields, “We just have to keep our heads down, and be careful… We just have to survive…”

After that, Sam seemed to see the logic in Matt’s warning. He decided to listen to his son, remaining silent even when he found it nearly impossible to speak up. They remained off the Galra’s radar long enough to escape the cell and steal a ship. Matt used the Galra’s computer system to track down Shiro and together, he and his father found their remaining crew member. They escaped together, traveling back to Earth. Matt hugged his mother and sister, they were so happy to see him. Sam was able to tell their story in a way that didn’t sound completely depressing, they were called heros. Survivors. They were happy again.

If only that hadn’t been some elaborate fantasy Matt concocted while laying alone on the cold, unforgiving floor of the solitary cell.

No matter how much Matt pleaded and begged for this made-up life to swoop in and save him, waking him from the unending nightmare he had been forced into, he knew deep down that there would be no rescue. 

As he lay, sobbing heavily, his uniform still damn with a deep crimson liquid, he asked aloud one question “Why?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to warn you guys, this chapter is pretty much Matt’s pov and it jumps around a bit. Didn’t want anyone to be confused.

Why didn’t his father listen to him?

He remembered how the day started in great detail, it seemed to replay over and over again in his head, tormenting him. 

The heat had been unbearable, perhaps the hottest day since Matt had started working.

Maybe that was why.

The Galra seemed more agitated that day, the heat being the clear cause. Matt and his fellow prisoners had not been working long before one of the soldiers began harassing an older prisoner. Of course Sam had to step in. He stood firm in front of the elderly alien, his body acting as a shield. 

The Galra told him to get back to work. Why didn’t he just listen?

Harsh shouts from the soldiers grabbed Matt’s attention. He turned his head to look. A sense of panic flooded over him, he saw how the Galra wrapped his hand around his weapon, a large dagger the soldiers all carried, to intimidate the prisoners mostly. Sam was warned once again to move out of the way.

Matt silently begged for his father to obey the Galra’s demands. If had simply gone back to work, he would have suffered a much lesser penalty. 

So why?

Why didn’t he just move? Matt called out desperately to his father, his voice echoing around him, the only reply to his suffering, as harsh sobs racked his body.

Why wouldn’t he listen?

Of course, Sam stood strong, diligent in whatever point he was trying to prove. It didn’t matter, Matt’s body began to move, as the Galra soldier grasped his dagger firmly. 

Perhaps it was adrenaline but Matt hardly noticed the pain in his leg as he rushed across the fields. All he could see was his father, slowly backing away while the Galra soldier held the dagger aimed towards the prisoners now. There was no hesitation. The blinding reflection of the sun glinting menacingly off of the dagger was quickly eliminated, as that same dagger sank deep into Sam’s waist. Matt quickly shove the Galra away, but it was too late.

Why hadn’t he been just a little faster?

Why?

Why?

Why?!

His sobs echoed endlessly, as he asked himself the same question over and over again. Why did any of this have to happen?

It wasn’t so long ago that he was at sitting around a table, at his home. The memories of that warm night bleed through his dreaded recollection of the day’s events. He remembered talking excitedly about the mission, Katie seemed annoyed but she would get over it. Besides his father stepped in, reminding her that her greatness was yet to come. The way Sam smiled at Katie, so full of a genuine love that only a parent could possess. Matt savored that smile.

There was so much blood… Even his most cherished memories couldn’t keep away the horrific images that replayed in his mind.

Sam’s body trembled as he lay amongst the crops. Matt’s hands pressed desperately on the wound, wishing silently for the bleeding to stop, while pleading loudly for help.

Sam hushed Matt with a weak, broken voice “You have made me so proud, son.”

Those words brought back another memory of his life before the mission. 

“I am so proud of you Matt!” Sam laughed happily, as he walked towards Galaxy Garrison with Matt by his side, smiling triumphantly. “You have to be one of the youngest cadets we have ever had!” his father continued to brag excitedly.

This memory soon too began to fade away. Through the dense darkness of the cell Matt could see his hands, now stained a deep crimson, the sight alone forced him to remember those final moments. 

Matt’s hands continued to press desperately against his father’s wound “D-Don’t talk dad” his voice wavering.

The bleeding wouldn’t stop. 

Sam placed a hand over Matt’s attempting to calm his son, one final time “I want you to do something for me Matt” his voice was hardly strong enough to be a whisper. Watching his father through his tears Matt nodded, “Survive…” 

The hand that was resting gently over Matt’s slowly fell limp, sliding onto the ground. 

“No” Matt whimpered aloud, ignoring the hands that gripped at his shoulders pulling him back “No!” he pleaded desperately, pulling away. His hands reached out for his father, “Dad, get up” he begged, “Please!” his body was pulled back with more force now, two of the soldiers grabbed his arms and began to drag him away.

“Stop!” his cried out a desperate plea as he struggled against the unwavering arms that held him.

Matt wouldn’t let them take him away, his father needed him. His attempts to break free of the Galra’s grip were quickly crushed, as a volt of electricity surged through his body, rendering him unable to move. His mind felt blurred from the sudden physical shock, and his eyes grew heavy, the last sight he saw was one of the soldiers dragging his father’s body away, before his world faded into darkness.

The same darkness hung heavy in the cell that Matt was apparently placed, it seemed to beckon his memories to return again. They would not give him a moment of peace.

“Stop” he mumbled, exhausted from crying, desperate to simply forget what had happened. 

He willed for his fantasy life to return to his thoughts, they would give him peace, they would distract him from what had happened.

There was just so much blood.

“Stop” his voice trembled, he didn’t want to remember.

None of it mattered anymore. His father was gone.

“Stop!” Matt’s harsh cries echoed back at him, taunting his pain. “Please…” 

Exhaustion began to take effect, Matt could hardly even find the strength to cry as his eyes sank heavily once again. He needed sleep.

His thoughts wearily drifted to Shiro, the memory of his friend comforting his broken mind, “Shiro…” he mumbled in weak desperation “I need you.”

Silence echoed around him, Matt closed his eyes for a moment.

Sleep must have overcome him, for moments later he woke to someone speaking his name gently.

“Matt” the voice said in a comforting whisper, a light touch on his shoulder convincing him to finally open his eyes and face his visitor. 

Through a sleepy blurred vision, Matt could make out the hazy image of a familiar face. 

“S-Shiro?” his voice was still weak from crying as he slowly started to sit up “H-How…” with a frown Matt shook his head “You’re not really here are you? This has to be… a dream or… maybe a hallucination…” he wondered out loud in a soft whisper.

Shiro didn’t reply to Matt’s question but instead, he moved to sit next to Matt “I heard about what happened” he said with soft remorse. A sharp sense of pain returned to Matt’s heart as he was reminded of the events that had occurred earlier that day.

In a way, Matt was completely aware that what he was seeing wasn’t real, but at the same time he didn’t care. He needed someone, he was so close to just giving up, and seeing Shiro now, even if it wasn’t really his friend, it still gave him hope.

“It's my fault” Matt whimpered, tears returning to his eyes as he replied to the statement Shiro had made.

Shiro’s hand gently caressed Matt’s face, rubbing the tears from the distraught man’s cheeks. It seemed so real, his hands felt warm and comforting. For a moment Matt closed his eyes, savoring Shiro’s touch, even if it happened to be a hallucination, it was one he most desperately needed.

“You cannot let yourself think that’” Shiro’s voice broke the silence.

Matt shook his head, determined to take the blame, “Why not?” he spoke bitterly. “If I had been stronger, you would not have had to fight for me, we could have found my father together, we could have found a way out” he blamed himself for so much, so why not this as well, after all he could have stopped it. There were so many different paths he could have taken.

“If I had helped my dad…” Matt continued, a soft sob causing him to tremble “Maybe the soldiers wouldn’t have attacked, if I had supported him…If I hadn’t been so weak…”

“Matt” Shiro’s voice was firm as he placed his hands around Matt’s face, cupping it gently, but at the same time forcing his friends to look up at him. 

“It’s not your fault, blaming yourself is not going to change anything and it is not what your father would have wanted you to do” Shiro held a stern expression as he spoke before allowing his eyes to soften slightly.

He moved closer before motioning for Matt to rest his head on his lap.

As Matt lay his head on Shiro’s lap, the sensation of the other man’s fingers running through his hair allowed him to feel at peace.

“Don’t give up hope” Shiro spoke in a soft, comforting voice as he continued to run his hand through Matt’s hair.

Feeling calm for the first time since witnessing the horrific murder of his father, Matt chose not to speak anymore. He simply allowed the moment to remain as it was, however false it may be. If it were a dream, he almost wished that he would never wake from it.

Finally, a sense of determination returned to the young scientist, he was reminded of why he even went on the Kerberos mission in the first place. It wasn’t for his father, or for Shiro even. It was to know more about the universe, to fearlessly embrace whatever the future had in store for him.

The loss of his father would always hurt, and the sense of needing revenge would possibly never leave him, but he felt inspired towards a new mission now.

“I’m going to get out of here Shiro” Matt spoke, his echoing voice the only reply “I’ll get out and I’ll find you. Then I am going to make them pay for what they have done. I will make sure that no one else in this universe will suffer the same pain I have” his voice was unwavering, full of determination. 

He would not break.

The room remained silent, and soon Matt felt the heaviness of exhaustion sink in. Perhaps he had never actually woken up, but he didn’t have much time to dwell on it as his eyes shut and he drifted into a dreamless sleep.

It wasn’t until what felt like much later that Matt was awoken once more, although the voice speaking to him now was not as pleasant as the last.

A Galra soldier shook Matt’s shoulders roughly, telling the man to get up, apparently he had enough time to “cool down”.

Feeling exhausted, Matt slowly pulled himself onto his feet, his eyes glanced briefly around the cell, a slim glimmer of hope quickly stripped away when he realized that he had been alone.

The soldier snapped at Matt to hurry up, with a frown Matt glanced at the Galra recognizing his voice, this was the soldier that had killed his father. With a defiant glare, Matt did as he was told, stepping out of the cell and following the soldier.

He reminded himself, as his footsteps echoed down the hallway, slightly muffled by the miserable sounds of the Galra’s prisoners.

He was a survivor.

He would keep fighting and surviving, not only for the memory of his father, but for the other creatures in the universe that were being oppressed.

This sense of justice remained with Matt, many days later when a rebel group had attacked the work camp, rescuing him and other prisoners.

They gave him the opportunity to rebel and he took it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think and if you have any questions.
> 
> I was testing a few different writing techniques out with this fic. and tried to leave most things open to interpretation.
> 
> Still, if you have any questions I will gladly answer them. Thanks again for reading! <3


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